Today I am Going to Write

I haven’t written in a while and I don’t have a concrete reason as to why. I’ve thought about it in passing but I have never actively sat down and said “Today, I’m going to write”.

Today, as I looked through my Instagram and updated my profile to ‘Blogger’, I had an itch to write something. The voice in my head said it’s 10pm, you’ve work tomorrow and your laptop is shutdown. But, instead, I opened up my notes on my iPhone and started typing. I started off with why I haven’t written in so long, two reasons (aside from laziness) were:

A. I have this enormous self imposed pressure that when I do write a blog post, it needs to be meaningful.

B. I think too much has happened in my life, yet nothing so life altering or significant that it’s worth writing about.

But, what really has happened in my life so far? So much but yet so little. I have,

• travelled to another 10 or so countries

• changed my job (twice), and my company (once)

• got married

• bought my very first home

• sold my very first home.

While these events were significant, what I’ve learnt in between all the milestones are much more meaningful. I have grown and discovered who I really am as well, as well as learnt which people really matter to me and distanced myself from toxic relationships (some of which were my doing).

Here are some learnings I want to share,

• it’s so easy to get influenced by society, the people around you and social media. You may think you’re immune to it, and yes perhaps to the small things like material advertising, you may be, but it all builds up. For me, this became clear when I realised that perhaps my career wasn’t the be all and end all for me. I was always pushing away my desires for other things (travel, family and friends socialising, yoga, pilates, me-time) or rather thinking of them as “other things” when they also made me feel alive! I came to the realisation that I had been affected by the ‘Women in Engineering’, ‘Girl Power’, ‘Gender Diversity’, ‘Feminism’. These movements are empowering, and definitely helped me to get where I am today (running meetings where I am the only woman in a room of 27 other men double my age isn’t an easy feat), but I also absorbed myself in them so much that I lost in touch with my inner desires. I thought work-life balance was a joke, and I should always strive to work hard, and drive myself up the ladder. But, it wasn’t until recently that I came to terms with the fact that yes, I’m an ambitious and career focused women but also that my life is multi-faceted and there are so many other things that hold meaning to me that I’ve never truly acknowledged. Work-life balance isn’t a horrible thing to aspire to, in fact its something I actually value.

• I’ve ticked off my 27th country this year, and the one thing I learn time and time again is how much I love my city of Melbourne. You never appreciate the place you grow up, the environment, and all the beautiful things you’ve in your own hometown until you go away and experience other cities. Alongside this, one of my newer lessons is having to acknowledge that you won’t love every country/city you visit. Sometimes, I really hated the place. I learnt to be okay with it but also to dig a little deeper. I tried to question (a very hard thing to do) what it is that contributed to my disdain. More often then not, I found it was either past experiences, my morals/values being challenged or present experiences in that place.

• I am now comfortable in my own skin. We spend so much of our lives trying to put on a facade for others. We (myself included) continuously try to portray a perfect life, with amazing holidays, great cars and perfect relationships. In real life, it’s all just a beautiful mess. I learnt to stop pretending it’s all alright. I’ve realised that we are all fighting our own battles. Once I embraced my authenticity, I started to notice all the genuine people around me – and those are the ones worth keeping!

• It will all be okay in the end, and if it’s not okay, it’s not the end. Every little bump on the road seems like a huge hurdle at the time (this is valid for most everyday problems), and I often felt like the decision I’d make would alter the course of my entire life. I learned to look at it in a different angle, I asked myself – Will this decision matter 5 years from now? If not, is it worth the mental stress it’s giving me? Humans have an amazing capacity to take on everything thrown at them and get through it, don’t underestimate your tenacity. I’m learning to give myself more credit and be more regimented with what I add to my list of worries.

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